Do you wonder whether you've "achieved" enough in life?

“Am I a failure that I don't have multitudes of employees under my reign? Or am I a failure for failing my soul?” - Quiet Life member Shannon Reichelt

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Dear You,

The single greatest lesson I learned from writing QUIET had nothing to do with introversion.

The lesson came while I was still writing the book. The year was 2008. I was halfway done with the manuscript, and shared its premise with a friend. It was about the unlikely power of introverts, I explained: introverts are scientists and artists and leaders and etc., and this is because of their quiet temperaments - not in spite of them. I pointed to my favorite examples of quiet types contributing massively to the world - Dr. Seuss, Rosa Parks, Albert Einstein.

If you’ve been reading my work for a while, you’ve probably heard me say similar.

But my friend cocked her head, thought about it, and said,

“And even if they don’t contribute like that, they should still get to be who they are.”

And that was the moment I realized how much I was equating intrinsic worth with outer achievements.

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I still think that achievements matter. I mean, we’re glad, aren’t we, that we had Einstein, Rosa Parks and Dr. Seuss in the world. Some human achievements - from the Sistine Chapel to the Golden Gate Bridge - belong in the same category as redwood trees and wine-dark seas. They’re portals to grace and wonder.

And, on a more basic level, we all need to go out and earn a living.

But this reality - this need to make ends meet - can create a problem of false gods.

Because we must make money to support ourselves and our families (a worthy and legitimate goal), we sometimes confuse the tools that help us achieve this goal (eg., mastering customer service, spreadsheets, management techniques) with the values that feed the soul (higher order goals like self-discovery; the pursuit of beauty and truth; love).

In an ideal world, of course, we can use our tools in accordance with our soul-values; but they’re not the same thing. Which is why so many people experience discordance between the tools they’ve acquired, and the call of their soul.

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I thought about all this, when Quiet Life member Shannon Reichelt posted a marvelous comment to my Kindred Letter on status hierarchies (“Do you love individual people, but feel unsafe in groups?”):

“Am I a failure that I don’t have multitudes of employees under my reign?” Shannon asked. “Or am I a failure for failing my soul?”

Shannon was talking about the conflicting desires that many of us feel between “success,” as typically defined, vs. being “true to ourselves.” Here’s her full comment:

So today, I want to take on Shannon’s questions. How best to free the “quiet, sweet, loving little girl (or boy) of 5”?

And how to pursue the “richer, deeper goals” of which Shannon speaks?

It seems to me that reaching the state of being that Shannon’s stretching for requires the adoption of three central mindsets:

1. Just to be you, to be alive, is enough. Your worth comes not from your achievements, but from the mere fact of your existence. No, not mere at all. Let’s rewrite that sentence. Your worth comes from the WONDROUS fact of your existence. This applies to all beings, with the possible exceptions of mosquitoes. (As I mentioned last week, Quiet Life member Rich Day has been advancing this idea for a very long time!)

2. At the same time, you’re not just any being. You’re you. And what does your fully incarnated self look like? In his famous book, “The Soul’s Code,” the 20th century psychologist and author, James Hillman, talked about “acorn theory” - the idea that each of us is born with a particular imprint, just the way the acorn holds the future of the tree.

“Each life is formed by its unique image,” Hollis wrote, “an image that is the essence of that life and calls it to a destiny.” From this point of view, the great task of life is to discover your deepest essence, and to live it fully.

As Shannon suggests, your childhood self may have understood that essence (acorn) better than you do now. Amidst the pressures of making your way in the world, you may have lost sight of that person. Yet that’s the person who holds the master key to your soul.

(If you’re not sure exactly what that childhood person knew, try remembering how you once answered that annoying question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Even if the specific answers you gave back then were off the mark, your underlying interpretations were probably accurate. If you wanted to be a race car driver, what did that mean to you? A risk-taker who went really fast? The thrill of competition? The engineering of a really beautiful car? Or, let’s say you loved your stuffed animals: what did they represent to you? Were they best friends? Co-pilots in a grand adventure? Small beings to hug and nurture? )

The point is: You may have known more about who you were then, than you do now. You were in closer touch with your own acorn.

3. You need to give something back to the world. But not on as grand a scale as you might think.

***Or rather, to give on a small scale is to give on a grand scale. They are one and the same.

Consider William Blake’s insight, that the infinite is contained in the minuscule:

And then consider the idea, found in the Abrahamic faiths, that to save one life is to save the whole world.* You might think that such teachings seem so patently untrue that we can safely ignore them. But this idea is not only about saving lives, per se. It’s also about the insight that a whole world exists in a single soul — in that single grain of sand. And if this is true, then the task is to attend to the particular grain of sand that’s sitting in the cup of your hand. That is enough.

Thus:

If, when you’re giving a talk, you connect with just one audience member, you’ve connected with them all. It’s enough.

If your writing moves one reader, it has moved them all. It’s enough.

If you’ve raised one beautiful son or daughter to be productive and good, it’s as if you’ve raised the whole world. It’s enough.

If you’ve planted one perfect China rose, it’s as if you’ve beautified the world. It’s enough.

If you’ve performed a single act of heroism, it’s as if you’ve rescued the world. It’s enough.

If you’ve performed a single act of care, it’s as if you’ve embraced the world. It’s enough.

If you’ve experienced one moment of pure love, it’s as if you’ve found the Beloved.

At least for a time.

Until the search begins again.

Here are some questions for you to consider today:

- What three adjectives would you use to describe yourself, when you were five? (To put it another way - what was encoded into your acorn?)

- How would you describe yourself now?

- How would you describe your fully mature self?

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P.S. I also have some exciting news for you. Recently, I’ve moved my newsletter over to Substack. This has been wonderful because on Substack I’m able to give you not just a newsletter but a full-on community of like-minded readers who share ideas, thoughts, experiences, reactions. We do this via chats, comments, Sunday Candlelight gatherings, and more. On Substack, you’ll also discover other authors you might like following, as well.

If you’d like to be part of this move, you don’t need to do anything; we’ll make the change happen for you automatically. You’ll still receive these Kindred Letters via the same e-mail address you signed up with. If, however, you do NOT want us to import your e-mail address to Substack, all you have to do is reply to this note, and let us know.

Either way - I am so glad you’re here, and look forward to more.

Xo - Susan

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*References:

“Auguries of Innocence,” by William Blake

“Whoever saves a single life is considered by scripture to have saved the world.” - Sanhedrin 27a

“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” - Gospel of Matthew 25:40

“If anyone saves a life, it shall be as though he had saved the lives of all mankind.” - Quran, Surah 5 verse 32

A Quiet Life in Seven Steps - my audiobook (yes I quoted myself :))

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